Memory or Dream             by Allyson Yang 楊婷雅

        When I open my eyes, I see this dark bedroom and the gray window curtains.

I get up from my bed and walk laggardly toward the window. Then I find that it is cloudy; however, I have great hope that I could see the sun instead of the clouds.  Staring at my son’s picture, I find myself really miss Stan very much. And I miss the days that Andrew, my ex-husband, and I were together. In the past, I would prepare breakfast for them in the morning and dinner in the evening. Whenever I was preparing breakfast, Stan and Andrew would just get up and say “morning” sweetly to me; whenever I was preparing dinner, they would just come home, and Stan would keep telling me his school life happily while Andrew would always bring a bundle of flowers and give it to me romantically.  

However, I am all alone now. Since Andrew divorced from me three years ago and I had been separated from Stan, I have been all by myself in this dark and unhappy house. All the past days seem very far from me. I feel very grief-stricken because I have my sweet and lovely family no more. Just when I am crying, I hear that loud but uncomfortable phone ring. It is the call from Stan’s school, the heart-breaking call by a man with low and grave voice. “Madam, I am sorry that I have to tell you. Your son Stan was hit to death by a group of hooligans.” All of a sudden, I feel that I am feeble and dizzy, and all I can see is a complete blank vision in front of my eyes.

When I open my eyes again, I see a bright bedroom which is very familiar to me.

As I turn my body to the other side and see my ex-husband Andrew who is just sleeping calmly by my side, I am shocked. And I see the bright and energetic sunlight passes through the familiar romantic window curtains. Then I walk to my son Stan’s bedroom and open the door slowly with hope that I could see him. At first, I see the brightness in the room when the rattling door opens. Then, I see Stan sleeping tight on his bed with his quilt uncovered. I feel very excited. All of these seem very familiar to me. Then I walk softly toward Stan and help him cover the quilt on his body, with tears in my eyes.

Then I go happily to prepare breakfast for Andrew and Stan. Suddenly, I hear sweet and familiar sounds. “Morning, mom.” “Morning, dear.” It is my lovely son Stan and my dear husband Andrew who just get up. When they eat breakfast, they just talk to me sweetly as usual. I feel very warm and everything seems wonderful to me at this moment. After they go to school and to work, I clean the house with my heart filled with satisfaction.

In the afternoon, Stan comes back and looks very happy. He just keeps telling me excitedly, “Mom, you know what? I get good grades today and Mr. Bryan just praised me in front of all the classmates. Isn’t that great? And I played football very well in today’s gym class. I just think I am a genius!!! Ha, ha, ha!”  After a few minutes, Andrew comes back with a bundle of roses in his hand. He gives the roses to me, hugs me, kisses me, and tells me, “My dear, I love you.” At this moment, I feel that I am the happiest woman in the world because of the ordinary but lovely family life.  With Andrew talking to me romantically and Stan running around me and telling me his school life, I have my happy family life again. At night, lying on the bed, I am happy and close my eyes tranquilly.

When I open my eyes….