伍止心 Ji Xin, Wu

A Script: Happy Together

George: A gay who loves his coworker, Michael.

Michael: The man who George loves

Psychology counselor: George’s doctor.

Elva: A kinky old man.

Volleyball SM queen

Lolita: A little girl

Three workers

Scene 1

(A man in a doctor’s white rope sits behind a desk. Across the desk sits a fair young man with bright complexion. He wears a jean and a little bit dirty shirt. An armchair placed at the corner. )

Doctor: Do you have any mental problem?

George: Doctor, I am a gay.

Doctor: Anything bothers you?

George: It is too painful for me to bear! I work at a construction site. People who work there never wear tops. Their naked lines of muscles totally expose in front of my eyes. I can always smell the scent of sweat of hard work and passion.

Doctor: Sounds you work in the heaven.

George: At the beginning I thought that, too; however, the worst thing in the world happens!

Doctor: What? Someone sexual harasses you?

George: If so, it would be wonderful…No! I fall in love with one of my coworkers, Michael! When the first time I saw his beautiful hairy bosom, I know I was captivated. He is the loveliest and strongest guy at the construction site. I have a collection of his photos. When he smiles, he would show cute canine and dimples. Just like the song goes: “You are my sunshine, my only… (He starts to sing and dance)

Doctor (interrupts him): Enough! Thank you for your performance, I have got your point.

George: I love him so much, but I dare not to tell him. Everyday we see each other but I can only bury my affection in the deepest part of my heart. I fear that he will disdain me after he knows… What should I do, doctor?

Doctor: Well, I think the best way to cure your homosexuality is to make you become heterosexual, back to normal.

George: Ok…but how?

Doctor: Sit on that chair, and put your hands on the arms of it. (He points at the armchair.)

George (sits as the doctor said): What now?

(Doctor presses a red button on his desk, and from the bottom of the arms of the chair, two steel shackles cuff George’s two wrists swiftly.)

George (struggling): What is this all about?!

Doctor: George, you must understand. Your situation is so unnatural and aberrant that it cannot be cure with traditional way. I would love you to meet some skillful female doctors. Their spicy treatments would definitely save you from hell of agony.

George: What spicy treatment?

Doctor: I am so proud to introduce to you: Venus of psychology---Volleyball queen!

(A woman in black polished leather tight suits enters. Her face is covered with a leather mask. She carries several volleyballs and a whip.)

Volleyball queen: You useless stupid fool! Move your fat ass and rock with me! Catch this!

(She throws all the volleyballs to George. George is hit by every one of them, and he yells.)

Volleyball queen (sweeps her whip): Want some candies, bad boy?

George: Jesus! Somebody help!

Doctor: It seems this kind of girl do not work for you. (He claps twice, Queen exits.) How about this one? My evil Lolita, darling!

(A little girl, under ten, enters. She wears white silk-stockings and luxurious dress decorated with sparkling jewels and large white feathers. She kneels down in front of George, and takes off one of his shoes. She uses a white feather fan to scratch his sole.)

Lolita: Do you like my service, papa?

George: Stop! Stop! It is absolutely breaking the child welfare law! Hahahahaha….

(Doctor claps again. Lolita stands up and exits.)

George: What is the matter with you? Stop calling crazy people!

Doctor: No people, how about a doll?

(He takes out a human-size inflation doll under his desk, and leans the head of the doll over George’s face)

George: Enough!

Doctor: You are so hard to please. (He puts the doll away, and takes out a pig with pink ribbons on its ears.) Then, how about a female pinky pig?

George: Let go of me! I am out of here!

(Doctor presses the red button. The shackles of the chair arms retract. George stands up at the same time, and hits dust out of his body with his palms.)

Doctor: George…

George: Shut up! I will not pay you today!

Doctor: I will give you a suggestion: if you do love him, let him know.

George: You are out of your mind!

Scene 2

(A scaffold set on the back. Three to four young men stripped to the waist, in yellow security helmets, work on moving bricks and drilling the floor. George is focused on smearing cement on the wall. A young, strong tall man carrying a bag on his back enters, whistling.)

Michael (taps the back of George’s back hard, joyfully): What’s up, man!

George (scared, sinks into the cement wall he is working on): Ah! It….is you! Michael!

Michael: Hey, you do not look good. Something’s wrong?

George: I am fine…..just….well, recently, I do not….

Michael: You talk like a girl. Come on, I know you feel a little down today. Do you know what do I do when I feel down?

George: Wh…what?

Michael: Eat ten super large bowls of curry rice! (He takes out three large lunch boxes and opens them. He gives George a big spoon.)

George: Bu….but….. I… am…am not hungry…

Michael (smiles widely): What do you mean you are not hungry? If you are a man, you can’t live without knowing how to enjoy labor, sweating and curry. A healthy body comes from a healthy diet. I promise you will feel a lot better after finish eating ten bowls of curry. Do you agree with me, Elva?

(An ugly fat middle-aged man turns back.)

Elva: Of course, I take good care of my body. (Massaging his nipples)

(George shivers with cold, and starts to dig in eating curry nervously.)

Michael (leans over to George and wipes one stain of food on George’s face): Easy, cowboy, you eat too quickly.

(Blood gushes out from George’s nostrils. George faints on the floor.)

Michael (shaking George fiercely): What is going on? Oh man! Do you need artificial aspiration, George?

(The curtain descends.)

Scene 3

(A poster of Jolin on the wall, a dozens of make-ups are placed on a dressing table with a big mirror. There are three pinky closets along the wall. George, with eyes closed, lies in a Hello-Kitty bed with mosquito net on the top. Michael sits on the bed and covers the quilt over George’s body. )

George (regains consciousness, and sits up): Where am I?

Michael (doing his chores): You are in my house, my sister’s room. You fainted then, so I take you back here to have a rest. Anyway, this apartment is near the building site. George: Your sister?
Michael: Madonna? Do not worry about her. She attended a swimsuit beauty trial. I have not seen her for couple of days.
George: I am so sorry to bother you. Michael, I need to tell you something. It has been in my heart for a long time…
Michael (interrupts him): No, No, No… You need some rest. I am afraid that you pass out again. Gee, you scared me at that moment.

George: How long have I passed out?

Michael: Since I said: “George, do you need artificial aspiration?” to now ….it is three hours and forty-five minutes.

George: Oh, so long……and, am…am I being…you know...

Michael: Artificial aspiration?

(George nods shyly)

Michael: Yes.

George (happily): Really?! You did?

Michael: Yeah, but not by me. Elva did it.

(Gorge starts to throw up)

Michael (taping George’s back): God, you really do not feel well, right? Oh, it is dark outside, why don’t you stay here for one night? I can not let you go home alone like this.

George (wiping his mouth): But…it would be too rude of me to…..

Michael: Don’t be silly. You can not walk now. Stay here, you will feel comfortable. My room is at the next door. If you need anything, just call me.

George: Michael, I really need to tell you. I know it is hard for you to accept, but I…. Michael: Oh, it is ten. Time to bed. (He walks to the door.)

Michael: Good night, George. (He turns off the light and the room becomes dim. He walks to the door.)

George (sits up on the bed, murmurs): Don’t go…don’t go… (shouts) Michael! No! Stay with me! (Suddenly he sits up, and hugs Michael.)

Michael (in George’s arm, sits up in bewilderment): What?

George: I can not hide it any more. I….always…to you….

Michael: What? George? What do you want?

George: I…I…I cannot sleep. I want to play wrestling with you! (Gives Michael a punch)

Michael (keeps balance): That is great. I have not play wrestling for a long time. Come on! Let me see what you got, tiger! (fights back)

(They start a fierce wrestle. George knocks down the closet when his attack misses. Piles of pink under wares fall on them. Michael pulls the blanket under George’s feet to trip George. George loses balance, trips to the door and clutches one who just enters by the breast.)
(George looks up, and finds the breast in his hand belongs to a hairy, tall and strong girl whose face is exactly the same as Michael’s. She wears a pink and laced swim suit. She blushes, pushing George away, and hugs Michael with tears.)
Madonna: I do not want to live! That man just touched my snow-like hills to take away my virginity brutally! Nobody wants to marry me now! I am not chaste anymore! Oh! My brother!
Michael (angrily): Oh no! George, our leisure wrestling destroys the welfare of my dear sister for the rest of her life!

George: I am terribly sorry, Michael and …Madonna.

Madonna (tries to hang herself with a red bra): This is the only way, brother! Let me die!

George (tries to rub the bra from Madonna with tears): No! Don’t leave me alone! Since mom and dad died, we had lived together and supported each other till now! (Turns to Michael) Michael! Is it what you want to see? My broken family?

Michael (nervously): No! I am sorry! What should I do to soothe her for…lost virginity?

George (puts his hand on Michael’s shoulder, seriously): There is only one way to solve this situation. George, you have to marry my sister.
George: What!? Marry her!?
Michael: Come on, my sister is a flower-like decent little beauty. I think you make a perfect couple. Now we are a family, George, my brother-in-law.
Madonna (Happily): Brother, will you come to visit me after I get married? I will miss you very much.
George: Hey, who say that I am going to marry her?
Michael: Of course, sweetheart. I believe George will be a good husband.
Madonna: I love bridal veils from Taipei-Paris. Do you think I will be good looking in white?
Michael: No, I think pink suits you the most.
George: Ah! Let me die! (Passes out on the ground)

Madonna (hugs George, worriedly): Oh my sweetheart. He faints due to overly joy. Michael: I think he needs artificial aspiration. Madonna, enjoy your first kiss.

Madonna (blushes): Oh sweetheart, I am coming!

(Curtain)